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The song

Woken because of the cats and strange dreams full of ghosts in the corners of a house; there's also something else.

Sometimes there is a thing I do, as a kind of gift. If something happens and I feel for it or the people involved, a song or part of a song comes into my head, and I write it or sing it or both. It becomes theirs, and leaves my mind because it is no longer mine. I say or sing it in dedication, I don't show it to anyone living, and I forget it; that combination of words/notes is nothing really because often there is nothing I can do. But it is the equivalent for me of leaving a flower on a grave. I don't pick the flower back up and take it home because it has become the property of another.

This morning in my dreams, such a song came back to me for the first time, and I wonder if it is because I didn't complete it or do it well enough for them the first time. It connects to the Not War we seem to be approaching or are in already.

About a week back, a kindly older gentleman said to me, 'Well, I expect that Cameron will get his way now and we will start bombing Syria...'

Cameron the representative of British arms sales across the middle east, Cameron, supporter of undemocratic regimes whose government gave aid to known fanatics and helped them to become core elements of Al Qaeda, Al Nusra, Daesh. Cameron, knower of pigs, the man with the photoshopped poppy. This man will get his way.

We discussed it for a while. 'Are the British people ready for body bags?' I asked.

'Yes,' he said, 'I think they are.'

I wondered if the gent's certainty that his children would never be in a battle might subconsciously enhance his confidence, how his opinions might change if he ever saw one of his kids brought back dead from a war. And I wonder if he knows why we are doing it, if anybody really knows.

Back to the song... and it is not a war song or a protest song, it is just a song, crudely wrought, maybe not properly finished at all. Maybe that is why it came back, because it just isn't ready as a gift, but the more worked on it gets, the less immediate it will become.

If it returns at all, it is right to return in a dream full of ghosts.

Outside a bird is singing, two notes repeated, solitary and very sweet.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
nyarbaggytep
Nov. 29th, 2015 05:17 pm (UTC)
I love your songs process. Really beautiful.

The thought of Cameron in general is largely sickening to me, but even worse that he will cause so many deaths.
smokingboot
Nov. 30th, 2015 08:06 am (UTC)
Thank you Cam, I appreciate your feeling for it very much.

My personal distaste for Cameron is colossal, but it is overshadowed by a kind of weariness regarding all parties. I have no real clue what ordinary British people are thinking. Polls contradict each other. Are we as a nation just stupefied by a media barrage of opinions and shock-jockery?
nyarbaggytep
Nov. 30th, 2015 02:10 pm (UTC)
I dunno, it always amazes me that people are prepared to swallow it, I think so many of them feel helpless and disenfranchised and terrified that they have lost the capacity to see what's wrong.
smokingboot
Dec. 1st, 2015 09:25 am (UTC)
It baffles me.

People fear poverty perhaps, but then why didn't they vote against austerity? I suppose people were afraid of house prices going down... tbh, I think a lot of people voted with their pockets. OK, I don't agree with that, but I can try to understand it. But if we can't afford welfare, how can we afford war?
If we don't want refugees, why exacerbate the circumstances that bring them to Europe?

And what the hell were we doing getting involved in funding/training extremist rebels against Assad anyway? I don't buy this 'Because he's an oppressor,' rationale, because we have no problems with oppressors throughout the gulf, we shake hands with them, we trade weapons with them. Our hands are red with the blood shed by our trade partners. So why is this different?

It's like the whole nation has gone through the Looking Glass.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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