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Hands Off!

If someone you care about goes through some sort of trauma do not:

a) Hug them. It may just seem humane to you, but they may not like or want the contact you are offering. Ask first.

b)Keep hugging them even when they begin to show distress.

c)Prevent them from getting out of your embrace, or in any way pressurise them into staying in your arms 'because you wuv them.' Oh no you don't and they know it.

d) Draw them very close to your mouth and lock them in your arms so that bar fighting or screaming, they cannot get you off.

e) Tell them how much you adore them and how you don't want to see them as a 'sad rag.' As if they were doing something wrong in being first shocked by their trauma and now shocked by your horrible creepy behaviour.

If you have attempted anything in the list beyond A, face the fact that you need to sort yourself out, and go do it. Now, before you f*ck anything else up.

PS. This is not just a pop at one individual; it's a warning to anybody tempted to use friendship in adversity as a means of attempting romantic closeness. Wrong place for agendas!

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Comments

( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
half_orc
Mar. 19th, 2012 02:54 pm (UTC)
Is this a real thing or are you exploring sociopathy for a new piece? Jarring and creepy either way.
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 04:46 pm (UTC)
It's a real event. No sociopaths involved but there's a need to shine a cold little light on it. Because really, really, such things are well beyond Not OK.
cyanidemigraine
Mar. 19th, 2012 03:57 pm (UTC)
read this and all i could think was "ewwww" and also sympathy to you! if said face-hugger escaped without a stomped foot or a sharp elbow or knee somewhere then you are a kind and generous person.
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 04:53 pm (UTC)
Hello!
Where's ones inner gorgon when it's needed? Thing is, these things never happen when one feels powerful. It is not kindness but friendship and weakness that creates an easy environment in which such things can manifest - the same attributes that lead to such issues not being faced and dealt with.

I am less angry than I was. But it still is not, was not and will never be OK.



cyanidemigraine
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Hello!
im sorry hun, i didnt mean to suggest what you should or shouldnt have done! i think i was just projecting MY sudden desire to stomp said persons foot, when i read your list. your totally right that its completely not ok, and hopefully people will get the message.
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:12 pm (UTC)
Re: Hello!
No, Bright Man, don't apologise just cos I am too cross to express myself properly! You did not suggest anything I disagree with, and as ever your tact is perfect, nor did you give me any impression other than your concern - for which I am very grateful. I am just frustrated, but not with you or anything you have said.
The things you mentioned are exactly appropriate in such circumstances. Sometimes I wish I could carry you in my head!
See, that would be scary in an elegant, interesting way...

BTW, how are you? I hope you are well. Miss you both!
cyanidemigraine
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:21 pm (UTC)
Re: Hello!
my body is falling apart at a worrying rate of knots :) i blame it on being highly strung for so long, 30 years of me and i have the internals of a 90 year old :) so when it finally gives up the ghost i may take you up on that cranial time share offer. but am taking it one hospital visit at a time, and trying to stay upbeat! actually maybe i shouldnt time share in your head, i can dispense wisdom all very well from my far away computer on livejournal, if i WAS in your head that illusion of competency would be shattered when as a spectator i too am stunned by peoples thoughtlessness and have no witty reposte or wise advice when you most need it :)
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Hello!
We should transfer brains, like exchange students, between our heads! But it must be minds entire; can you imagine sending just your wisdom to holiday between my lobes? There's none like it here, so it would get a bit lonely!

Let's do this but not tell our beloved ones, see how long it takes them to guess:-D

cyanidemigraine
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:34 pm (UTC)
Re: Hello!
a more unpleasant man would agree and then carefully consult his schedule of unpleasant procedures to helpfully suggest dates for the transfers, but i could never do that to you ;)

as for russ noticing, well id give it my very best shot to act naturally, but i suspect he might :)


Edited at 2012-03-19 05:35 pm (UTC)
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Hello!
I am sorry to hear that you will be conscious for these procedures. I hope it is over soon, and painlessly if possible. Actually, if I could swap out one for one, I would try to help.

Can you imagine if we left traces?

Russ would catch on quickly I suspect, but not as fast as Wendy!

PS. Ooh, ooh! And in the unlikely event that you have missed 'Misfits' I think you would completely love the whole thing!

Edited at 2012-03-19 05:39 pm (UTC)
cyanidemigraine
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:42 pm (UTC)
Re: Hello!
oh! actually some i am under a general, some i am sedated, let me know if either of those sound nice and ill get the dates :)

see wendy would normally catch on dead quick but she is being so kind about my illnesses and eccentricites at the second she might not mention it. and i HAVE missed misfits and will go look it up immediately :)
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:45 pm (UTC)
Re: Hello!
I'll try to come in on sedation, you won't need me for general. Geez a date and I'll do my best;-)

Re Misfits, I haven't seen the 3rd series, but the first two are utterly incredible. Chronology's important though...

velvet_the_cat
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:17 pm (UTC)
That's rather grim.
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 05:22 pm (UTC)
Yes, it is icky.
bytepilot
Mar. 19th, 2012 07:29 pm (UTC)
hands up if Ewww ?
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 10:04 pm (UTC)
Gewechh!
bytepilot
Mar. 20th, 2012 10:09 am (UTC)
Bleaaghghrgh!

Have you considered carrying a taser for such circumstances ?
(Deleted comment)
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 10:04 pm (UTC)
And other regurgitory sounds...
squeezypaws
Mar. 19th, 2012 08:52 pm (UTC)
Creepy indeed.
smokingboot
Mar. 19th, 2012 10:09 pm (UTC)
Alas yes. Despite their fine qualities - I'm the first to see those happy to admit and admire them - the person does know that this is out of order. Important that they sort themselves out.
sixtine
Mar. 21st, 2012 11:23 pm (UTC)
ugh. Made my skin crawl for you. Sorry that happened - at any time, nevermind at this time.
smokingboot
Mar. 22nd, 2012 11:35 am (UTC)
Thank you, it's been so strange...I feel like Alice throug the looking glass!

Ironically, I feel a real fury towards this friend, something I don't feel towards the criminal.
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )

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