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Pausing, thinking, cursing chuggers

I have been trying to write properly again, something magical and of myself, though this journal is not about reflecting that. It's solely about the discipline of writing every day, however little, however banal. Now I stop because I have written something dazzlingly painful elsewhere, and I need to catch my breath. It isn't even well written yet, it may never be, but it is a bit more alive than other stuff I have been playing with. I think.

For a moment I must stop, and just let my mind relax. A friend has invited me to go northwards to the Lake District with her, and this would be fantastic, but I am visiting Spain in the second week of October, and Whitby at the end. The lakes in late autumn might be dismal, or they might be astonishing.

I'm talking nonsense. The lakes are always astonishing.

Edited to add: So pah, I am a numpty and cannot have my way. And it's all my own fault.

Got assailed by a charity mugger on my own doorstep; she was an RSPCA ninja, and she told me about how cruelty levels have gone up. Specifically around here, it's dog fighting, but there's plenty of old fashioned straightforward neglect and all the rest of it. I signed up to sponsor a kennel for a year.

Due to my interesting grasp of maths, I rounded £1.50 a week down to 'about £50 a year.' I am clearly a little out on my estimate, which would be no real deal if so much wasn't going towards holiday stuff in October; Spain will be cheap but Whitby, with all the attendant victorian/gothic kit etc, may well total up somewhat. So a winter trek to the Lake District is probably out of the question.

I don't want it to be. Cancelling the direct debit is a possibility, but I'm not doing it, not even with the awareness of being so easily emotionally manipulated. I don't regret what I have done, I just want to have enough money to do what feels right and add to my good time collection, but OK, broke for now, less broke later...and the Lakes aren't going anywhere.

Sometimes it is reassuring to remember that I am in fact, very spoilt.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
jul1et
Sep. 4th, 2013 08:32 pm (UTC)
does your whitby visit coincide with the WGW? if so, we're up with the joshling that weekend. would be nice to catch up!
smokingboot
Sep. 4th, 2013 08:38 pm (UTC)
It certainly does for some of it... 26th to 31st? It would be excellent to see you :-)
abutterflygirl
Sep. 5th, 2013 08:13 am (UTC)
Congrats for your personal writing, always a tough thing to do.

As for the door to door campaigns, it's hard. If I supported every charity/organisation that I wanted to, I'd be living out of a box on the street. It's just not possible, yet still it tugs at the heart.
smokingboot
Sep. 5th, 2013 08:46 am (UTC)
Exactly. Tbh, I am annoyed about the sponsorship, which feels less like a well meaning attempt to help and more like me being a weed; larians and I agreed we should always discuss things like direct debits before agreeing to them, and I just plain forgot. It matters even more if we're serious about Australia because getting 4 cats out there will cost a mint. On the other hand, it still feels like the right thing to have done. What a difficult world this is!
squeezypaws
Sep. 6th, 2013 10:35 pm (UTC)
I cancelled a chugger instigated direct debit a few days after, on reflection that I couldn't afford it at the time and I honestly urge you to cancel yours too.

And yes "afford" didn't mean - not a penny to spare, it just meant other things including my own sanity in some respect took precedence. They (with the best intentions) entirely work off emotional manipulation and I actually fucking resent that.

Seriously, cancel it and continue to apply your efforts and finances in ways that you direct.
smokingboot
Sep. 6th, 2013 10:52 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness.

How lucid you are, lovely squeezypaws.

I will think very hard.

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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