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Well allright

So I got home just around midnight, leaving wine and chums behind, and the pussycats were very pleased to see me.

The evening went well, or as well as I could manage. I think they learned and I hope they enjoyed. But I don't really want to connect into this aspect of esoteric thinking anymore. There's nothing wrong with it as a meditational tool, but it's like a life of pudding; comes a point when you just need something savoury.

I am aware that I'm doing these workshops for my chum rather than for the love of it. I have given appropriate warnings and advice, followed my conscience, now all that remains is to do the work, and having done it, be very clear that I don't want to do it again.

One of my problems is that on being presented with a suggestion, if I don't throw up at the thought of it, chances are I think it's perfectly reasonable. Sometimes I don't have an emotional response to it until some time later, when I realise that rationality aside, I really don't like it at all. Or I go to the other extreme and have a totally kneejerk response, and it's only afterwards I realise I flipped out over nothing. These days its more the former than the latter, I guess because on some levels I'm more closed off than I used to be. Not numbed or unhappily constrained, just saving energy, try not to waste time. Maybe that's age, or events, but it's certainly a useful development.

Time to go get ready, and start the work I enjoy.

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