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So the difference of opinion between the One Who Loves Him and She Who Does Not Visit kicked off mightily, though the latter's main issue seems to be a claim that the former called her a groupie once, and that all this stuff about our friend hurting because she has not visited is simply not true.

Angry people get cruel, angry people make mistakes, I wrote the book on that one.
They are both very angry. I feel more for the anger of the One Who Loves Him because she is facing the physicality of it nearly every day. The strain, even from here, is enormous, god knows how she is dealing with it. When I phoned him last night, it was truly horrible...all he could do was retch endlessly, there could be no conversation. As it is, I find it hard. She is a much closer friend to him and has no power of detachment at all.

This is his time, not anyone else's. No other issues belong where he is. While we can help him fight and hold on, we do, if these are his last days, we stand by him. We express our love, we make him laugh, we clean the buckets, we make him tea, we do whatever we can. We help him, we help each other. And when it's done, we can have our punch-outs if we need them. This is the reality, the story of Love and Death, and we are all living it.

Jesus, Mark. You may inadvertently have turned me into a grown-up.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
semyaza
Jun. 8th, 2015 09:06 pm (UTC)
I was about to say just what you said. Sadly, at least in my experience, people aren't able to put their issues aside. Often this is precisely the time when they come out. It's too bad that someone can't tell them to stop making it all about them and instead make it all about him while he's still here.
smokingboot
Jun. 15th, 2015 08:37 am (UTC)
Yes, it's a weird thing, I can't work out whether it's age or the event that illuminates our flaws and cracks in such stark terms.

The groupie thing flared into life after She Who Does Not Visit was confronted with the question about why, having said she would go see the man, she didn't. Had she just said she couldn't, that the sorrow and ugliness of it brought back horrible memories, well there you go, at least she is honest. The issue is that she said she would, and having made the promise, it behove her to keep it. He waited for her. People made excuses for her. She did phone him though - to tell him that she was getting grief about not visiting him!

I daresay she will make an appearance at the funeral. Beyond that, she is irrelevant.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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