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Halloween

Halloween Wedding Party this evening. I'm not in the vibe yet, but I will be.

Spoke to Bro yesterday. He's feeling weird about the funeral, but then this is always his way. He doesn't necessarilly feel impact straight away, his own emotional processes are very different to mine. Anyway, he doesn't think the funeral did Dad justice, and he feels that he or I should have been invited to speak, as opposed to poems chosen by our sister's mother, songs chosen by our sister, and a pub random who had known dad for 2 years doing the eulogy. It doesn't seem proper to Bro.

I do get it; though not treated disrespectfully, our part in Dad's life - nearly a decade longer than that of his second family - was by and large ignored. But on the other hand, Dad's wife had no way of knowing that one of us wouldn't rock up to the podium and announce 'Let me tell you about the drunk bullying philanderer with his mistresses and his disappearances who made our early lives such hell.' No getting past it, Bro would be totally capable of such a scene, in fact, given the right circumstances, so would I. She couldn't take the risk, anymore than I could take the risk of Dad ruining my wedding.

But I think this is Bro dealing with the larger issue.

Halloween, you have become Whitby to me. I want to wander along the windy walkways, and spot a few stars and look out at the sea, and step up to the abbey when it gets dark. Of course, I love all the Dracula guff in the town as well, but sometimes it is just about a moody night and the cliffs and the sea.

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