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The Terrible Chihuahua Story

Back at Balans with a friend who's been out of the mix since his relationship broke up; These two were the joint hosts of the terrible dinner party I described a few months back.http://smokingboot.livejournal.com/637867.html Now, less bruised and far more ready to face the world, he asked me to join him and some chums down Soho way for a brew and a meal. Turned out to be cocktails care of a gloriously flirtatious waiter, sporting an Italian combination of  blonde locks, green eyes and hairy chest, as he obligingly demonstrated to us, even though we never asked.He loved wedding talk, and discussed his own fantasy do under a tree full of fairy lights in a Tuscan vineyard.I was spoilt in that attentive way some guys seem to manage perfectly, this ability to dote without being creepy or expecting  payback,and the cocktails flowed and the wine flowed faster, and the talk moved on to mutual friends.

One such was the cabaret entertainer last mentioned in the Dinner of Doom. Said entertainer started his own dog-sitting business,and two customers entrusted him with their chihuahua when they went on holiday. Now it transpired that the entertainer wasn't just going to sit at home with said chihuahua, oh no... so he went to visit my friend, who was living in Hoxton at the time, and took the chihuahua with him. Said chihuahua sat in a corner looking very nervous while my friend cooked some dinner. The entertainer/carer decided to go get some wine, but chose not to take the dog with him. The dog grew even more nervous when he was away, and the kitchen door swung open,at which point  the poor little thing went crazy and jettisoned itself  out onto the road,straight under the wheels of an oncoming car. At least it was immediate. At this point, one chum stared,said, 'Well, I'm going home,' and disappeared. My friend however, ran up to the corpse, and was flapping his hands wailing, when the carer returned, just in time to need no explanation. He took a bus back with the dead dog in a Tesco carrier bag,put it in the freezer, bought a bunch of flowers and a nice box,and presented the dog,  complete with these accoutrements,  to the owners on their  return. They were not impressed and stung him for £700. His dog-sitting business ended shortly thereafter.

The entertainer is now deeply embroiled with my friend's ex. I am waiting to see what disaster will befall next,  a falling piano crushing their blooming love perhaps, or  a polar bear stalking them up the Thames and devouring one of them outside the O2.Something will go wrong, because slapstick disaster is in their nature. As long as they don't take friends or beasties with them, all that's left is to watch the show and commend the waiter.

RIP little dog X



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