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Happy

Happy about that last poem. It feels like it is about me, about my life.

Wrote it in the dark.

Right now poems are turning up as little vignettes in my head, vivid scenes like memories. In some cases they are memories.

I undergo very powerful dream states, always have done, even while awake. If I see something in my mind's eye, it is usually clear and quite distinct. The difference between such sights and the real world remains very evident to me, but I stay mindful, because varying forms of psychosis are not unknown to the family. Explanations and terms like 'psychic' enable reassurance and pattern making, and enable some form of acceptance, even a sense of usefulness. However they also come with a lot of expectation and baggage, most of it negative. I don't think I should have to be useful. I'm not a product.

The truth is, I don't know what it is. But I am very glad that my brain works this way.
Come to think of it, there's a lot that makes me smile right now.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
nyarbaggytep
Sep. 30th, 2016 02:31 pm (UTC)
I don't think I should have to be useful. I'm not a pr
hear hear!

It's wonderful. Visionary, dreamer, lucid thinker, psychic, whatever people want to call it. I am very glad you enjoy it. I get that with my dreams, but not awake, and I love it too. I think that's partly why I have never really understood the appeal of tv, or cinema, or lsd etc. My dreams are mostly better and more interesting.
smokingboot
Sep. 30th, 2016 10:09 pm (UTC)
RE: I don't think I should have to be useful. I'm not a pr
Me too!
Yes, it is a wonderful way to be, if a bit bewildering at times.

I have always liked TV and movies precisely because they are plotted, like so many of my dreams, where I seem to have turned up mid-episode.

As to hallucinogens, to my understanding they change perceptions immensely, but they don't tell a story the way a dream does, and they are no more vivid. Ayahuasca is different, but even then much depends on the ritual and the fasting for weeks/months beforehand. Given a sacred setting and preparation, I think it can lead to the most extraordinary spiritual experiences, but whether it does or not, there is a story there too.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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